If I spent any more time trying to decide on a title this post would not exist.
Anyway, as of lately I have been pushing myself out of my self-constricting comfort zone. Due to years of over thinking and under believing I lost myself. I became so worried about what others may think of me that I ended up living life how I thought others would accept me. It took me years to realize I changed and a couple more to begin finding myself.
The first thing I needed to ACCEPT was that I DO NOT fit into any box. Depending on the room I can be the most animated or the shyest; and my personal interests vary greatly. I had to learn to appreciate each part of me and understand that anything I had trouble accepting needed to change. I was going to give an example but I would rather you take the words for what you need them to be. Apply them where you see fit!
Throughout years of self work I fell many times. I would make progress with something and simply just stop. Time would pass and I would eventually look back and feel like I failed. In reality my only failure was in giving up. It took me so many years and unnecessary losses to realize I kept stopping for the same reason. I was afraid of how successful I would be. Rather the fear be triggered by self doubt or laziness, I was scared. I think even the doubt was just laziness. Picture yourself having accomplished all of your goals. How much work will it require to maintain it? To grow it? To live a life outside of it? I’m exhausted all over again! But I’m also tired of not having all that I deserve and I’d rather rest up in my dream house than the apartment I’m currently sitting in. I would rather bust my ass all day working towards something that fulfills me than clock out after 8 hours for a paycheck from someone else’s fulfillment. That shit is exhausting for real!
It’s not all materialistic. Just make sure that if you are working towards someone else’s goal, it is because the work being done contributes to your own goals as well. Lets take a law firm for example: associates are necessary to keep the firm afloat and while some may have goals of making partner, some just need a place to practice that will provide them with better resources for their clients. These associates are working towards their own goals while helping the owners of the firm maintain theirs. My examples suck sometimes but y’all get it!
Wrapping this up.. after years of feeling stagnant I realized I was literally the only thing standing in my way. With this realization I still struggled to clear the path but in sharing this I took accountability. It is now and will remain my responsibility to stay out of my way. No more excuses. I allow myself to rest when needed and correct my mistakes with love instead of scorn. I fear God and him only.
Thirteenth & Lenox 